Do you ever feel like you’re your own greatest enemy? Sometimes, I just blame life or really any other external factor for things not working out. Who doesn’t right? But in reality, I feel like I hold myself back majority of the time. It’s crazy, as I started to brainstorm for this post that I really started to realize my pattern of self-sabotage. Now let me just say, I’m not that bad, but I do have my moments.
Have you ever wanted to go for something, your dream, perhaps or apply to something so bad, but procrastinate everything that has to go into it? *raises hand* Yeah, that’s me to a tee, my friends. I read this book earlier this year called, Calm the f*ck down and the author touched on something called the ostriching method. Sounds weird, right? HA, well I bet some of you are gonna connect to this just the way I did. Turns out, ostriching is a method some people use to deal with stress. Have you heard that ostriches stick their head in the ground? Well, the author says that some people deal with stress by ostriching, sticking their heads in the ground and ignoring all of their problems until it all piles up and becomes impossible to avoid any longer. For me, I do that with the most important things. I’ve had a few major things happen this year that have required consistent work, attention, phone calls, etc. and when friends and family check up to see how things are going, my response has been, “Yeah I’ve just been really busy so..”. What? I’m too busy to follow my dreams or work towards my goals?
I know everyone may not relate to how I deal with issues and tasks however, maybe you’ll be more in tune with the way you talk yourself out of things after reading this post. Currently, I am knee deep in applying to go back to school. It’s truly my top goal at the moment and I have been Avoiding. The. Applications. Like. the. Black. Plague. So, after chatting with friends and fam about how they are able to progress towards their goals while ADULTING (no one said it would be this hard??!?!), I’ve compiled a few things that have helped me out lately.
Make a Daily Top 7
I heard on some productivity podcast I was listening to that each morning they wake up and write ten things they MUST get done that day. They also write each item in order of when they will get them done and will not go to the next without the previous being completed. I mean, how could you not be productive with this type of list? I started doing this months ago (except I do a top 7 because A. It’s my lucky number and B. It’s more attainable ;)) and it feels so good to actually be getting things done. With a regular to-do list, I tend to go for the easiest thing to cross off first and sometimes still not get to the most important thing (because hello, I’m Alexis and I ostrich)! With this way of prioritizing this way, I’ve found myself to be more motivated to actually get the things I’ve been avoiding completed, WHICH leads me to my next point…
Do One Adult Thing You’ve Been Avoiding Every Week
I CANNOT take credit for this (or probably any of these tips), but straight up, shout out to my gal pals for talking about this recently. My friends said that each week they plan just ONE adult thing they have been putting off. Here are some examples: doctor’s appointments, oil changes, tire rotation (seriously, this one’s important!), loan payments, phone calls (this one I hate), etc. Just schedule one of those tasks per week and it will start to seem less daunting. This week, my adult task is to reach out to my loan servicer and discuss interest rates. That’s IT! By getting the hard stuff done this way, you’re less likely to let all of it pile up until you can’t avoid it any longer (i.e. Ostriching). Don’t let the awkwardness or fear of making your own dentist appointment (Mom, I miss you doing this for me) cause you to sabotage your own oral health!!!!
Uncover the Root Problem
This one takes a bit more digging, tbh. Depending on what you’ve been avoiding, let’s say it’s job applications, take a moment and try to think about the real reason WHY you’ve been avoiding them. Are you scared to actually take the leap of faith to leave your current job? Will you have to move cities to accommodate this new job? Will you be losing benefits, a good salary and/or strong job security? I want you to really think about why you’ve become to self-sabotage because once you realize the issue, adjust your thinking and work around it. For me, I have been avoiding my school applications LIKE crazy (as mentioned above), but why, you ask? I am terrified to fail. In fact, I am so terrified that I wrote that phrase in bold, italicized, underlined letters. I am constantly talking myself down and thinking I’m not good enough to go back to school and follow my dreams. Here’s the thing: I bet you in all this time I’ve been too scared to finish my applications and making myself doubt every single word I type, I could’ve had them submitted by now. Isn’t that just a crazy thing to think about?
Talk to Someone
Ok, so you’ve written your Top 7 list, you’ve done something adult-y this week and you think you discovered your root problem, now what? Find a friend, an SO, a coworker, your mom, your dad, your grandma, ANYONE WHO WILL LISTEN and just talk about what’s going on. You’ll never know who might give you the right push you need. When I was working on my personal statement for my applications to school (aka avoiding it :-)), my coworker (a super fun and sassy mama who’s close to my age) was listening to me stress about it and she said, “Alexis, do you need me to be a mom right now? You’ve been talking about this for months, just go home sit down, and don’t get up until you’ve finished your draft. If you finish, treat yourself to a good dinner.” Apparently, that’s all the push I needed because I finished my personal statement that night and got a FAT burger to celebrate! So, find someone to hold you accountable, someone to say, HEY STOP PROCRASTINATING THAT ALREADY! And if you need it to be me, read the previous statement again 😉
This post has gotten lengthy, but I hope y’all liked this little chat! I’ve found that the more I talk about my stressors with my friends and fam, I get more POVs on how to handle it, what to do, etc and it really helps. Comment on this post answering these Q’s: Do you self-sabotage? Did you realize before this post? If so, how do you prevent it?
Thanks for reading!
XO, Alexis