Today’s topic is something I’ve discussed with MANY people who are close to me (so if one of you is reading this… sorry you have to see it again ;)). Hopefully this is something that some of you also are feeling right now. For me, I think most of it stemmed from COVID-19 causing me to SLOW down and really take a look at where I’m at currently in life and where I want to go. Let’s get into it.
Have you heard people say or post about the grind, the hustle, the work so hard I can’t even feel my face kind of lifestyle? Ok, probably not the last one but you catch my drift. Over the years on social media, I’ve seen SO many people who preach about this sort of lifestyle: getting up at the crack of dawn, grabbing life by the ball$ and working until the sun goes down, no breaks, no excuses. To be honest, for a while there I completely subscribed to this mindset. I felt like if I wasn’t being productive, I was wasting my life away. In college, this hit me HARD. I tried to be involved in EVERY club, held office in my sorority, had two side jobs, tried to do the best in my classes, took on a new fitness routine, started meal prepping like crazy… I WAS ALWAYS DOING SOMETHING. Then came post college, HA! I had no clubs to join, nothing to study for and my career goals seemed SO out of reach. Here I was with a brand new degree and I had never felt more useless in my life. I realized that SO MUCH of my identity was being the hustling, grinding, ever so busy student.
And that’s one of the problems, right? No one freaking tells you that feeling is going to smack you so hard that you don’t even know who you are anymore. Sure, there were things I could be involved in as a post-grad, but what was the point? My ultimate goal (med school), felt so out of reach and all I did for the past 16 years as a student was work for a good career, and it didn’t happen when I wanted it to. I began to lose motivation for my dream. It was kind of like college was this HUGE adrenaline kick of the “go-go-go” lifestyle and after graduation I was in this major fatigue and shitty let-down phase of my life. I had people say, “Oh Alexis, you’re so young! You still have so much time.” or, “Keep grinding, you’ll get there!” And over the past few years of being out of college and adjusting to this new phase of my life where I have an existential crisis every 4 days, I’ve realized that I’m kind of completely done glamorizing the “grind”.
Hear me out. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t get our shit done and we should sit on the couch all day. In fact, I’m saying quite the opposite. I think, this social pressure of doing it all and doing it fast is causing this never-ending cycle of over-working to complete lack of motivation. And listen, you may not have this issue at all and if not, HELL YES GIRL, proud of you and keep doing your thing. But for those of you who feel like I do, let’s talk about why we glamourize the grind in the first place.
- We’re taught from a young age that we should have it all figured out and fast.
- Constant pressures of social media and everyone showing their highlight reel. It makes us feel less than and shitty about our position.
- Life is short. What if we don’t get to everything we want to in time?
- My friends are doing better than me.
- My family wants more from me.
- I need to impress people.
The list could go on, and I’ll say for me, I blame social media for most of my grievances with the grind. I love to follow motivated, excited and hard-working people. It inspires me to keep chasing after my dreams and pursuing hobbies and side-gigs. HOWEVER, there is a difference between inspiration and comparison, right? If you follow a girl who gets up at 3:30am, works out, makes her own gourmet breakfast and starts work at 5am and works until 5pm. Then she does a side hustle from 6-10pm. Then she does a beauty routine until 11pm and wakes back up again at 3:30am to do it all again. THIS IS SOME SHIT THAT I’VE SEEN BEFORE. Not the exact activities but like, the terrible sleep schedule, the lack of breaks and this crazy work ethic. When I see stuff like that it makes me feel like I am the biggest POS on the planet. And guess what, I’m actually not. So let’s talk about what you can do to combat these pressures of constantly grinding.
- I unfollow people who make me feel bad about myself. Remember: inspiration vs. comparison. Who makes you feel happy and inspires you to do good things? Who makes you look at your life and feel unworthy?
- Make a schedule that incorporates work time AND fun time. Make sure you are putting the things that make you happy at the forefront of your life. Yes, making a living is important. TRUST me, I know. Especially during this pandemic, every dollar counts these days, but make sure you are also prioritizing the things that give you joy.
- Ask yourself why you feel like you need to grind. Are you motivated purely by your desires? If so, maybe your version of the grind works for you and that’s great! Or, are you motivated by an extrinsic factor?
- SLOW DOWN. Take the time to enjoy life. We only get it once and I sure as hell don’t want to look back and remember all the things I missed while I was killing myself for a paycheck.
NOW OK, here’s the giant disclaimer.
You might be thinking, this girl’s got a lot of nerve to tell me I shouldn’t work hard. I promise you, that is not the point of this post. You SHOULD work hard. You SHOULD chase your dreams. You SHOULD go the extra mile. However, you SHOULDN’T be killing yourself to get there. You SHOULDN’T be neglecting your physical and mental health. You SHOULDN’T give your all to a shitty 9-5 job that you absolutely hate and have no interest in staying in. You SHOULDN’T be extrinsically motivated. If you are, your grind will not last and your let-down will hit you like a mack truck my dude.
To conclude this dumpster fire of a post (sorry, I had a lot to say and didn’t know how to say it all), sometimes we have to work hard at things we hate. Sometimes we have to stay up all night working on a project we don’t really care about. As long as you’re able to realize these moments and reward yourself with some peace and something enjoyable, you’re on the right track. To my fellow mid-20-ers who are struggling with where you are in life, from what it seems… none of us have it figured out yet so keep chasing your dreams and ENJOY these precious years.
Until next time
Alexis